she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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