i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
