smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sarcasm needs its own font
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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