I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
