shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
