You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
