I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
