Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
