the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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