youre lurking in front of me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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