Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
