I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you had me at cake vodka
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
