It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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