Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
