I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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