btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My vagina is very pro this idea
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
