i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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