We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
