i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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