do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
