He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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