Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
