You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
