so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
