NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
