Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
