Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
