Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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