6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Life without a bra equals bliss.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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