He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
