first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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