Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
