Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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