Soap is not a condiment
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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