I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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