I accidentally burped into my bong.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
