There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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