Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
