Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
