Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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