recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
