my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is wine microwaveable?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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