So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
