It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
