Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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