If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
