I just threw up on my dentist
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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