Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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