whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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