i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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