Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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