Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
