my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
