I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
